Green Ice Cream

Gotta love the Holidays. Lately I've been trying to stay in touch with my dad. Keep him updated on my life and such. I'm starting to think that might not be such a good idea. When I told him about Jack, he warned me that the guys I was going for were too old and I shouldn't be going after these guys. What he doesn't understand is that it's not me going for them. I go for what ever goes at me. I'm like a lioness that has been starving for three weeks. I'll chase just about anything that wanders into my path. Is this healthy? No. am I being respectful to myself? No. but beggars can't be choosers.

Which makes me wonder- if I stopped begging, could I be more choosy? That's probably the point. and I think I'm slowly learning that. But anyway, back to my dad. I called him right after my date expecting him to get angry and tell me how ridiculous that guy was and how he would kick his but all the way to Nicaragua or somewhere like that if he ever saw him. You know what he said? He said, "good." Good? Really dad? Your daughter was just publicly humiliated. I was flabbergasted. "Good? You really think that's a good thing?" Then he said, "No, I'm just glad you didn't have a good time because you shouldn't be dating such old guys. You need to date people your own age." Once again, I would love to date guys my own age. Next time you meet a 22-25 year old with a college degree that loves dogs and Chinese food and rain and hockey and music and... me... you let me know. (That's just the perfect guy... that's all.)

Anyway, back to the holidays. My aunt had Thanksgiving at her house, like always, and I was loving being around all my family. They're better than your family. I'm just going to throw that out there. Even though we're in our twenties, all of the cousins are still banished to the "kid table" Our cool Aunt Becky used to sit with us, but she out grew us when she got a boyfriend. But she still makes her "green ice cream" every year, so it's okay. Just to clarify, it isn't really ice cream. no one really knows what's in it, but it's the greatest thing ever and knowing the ingredients would just ruin the magic of it all. 

Believe it or not, this blog post was not meant to be all about my dad and green ice cream, but that's what it has turned into. Back to what I was previously talking about, I was getting ready to go and I had gone around and kissed everyone good bye, I over heard my dad talking to my Grammy in the kitchen. He said, "Chelsy has a problem with being attracted to older men. You need to talk to her about that." First of all Dad, if you want someone to talk to me about something, do it yourself. Second of all, do you really have to bring that up in front of the entire family? Thanks for that. I was humiliated. With the look on my grandma's face, you would have thought my dad had said I was attracted to serial killers and child molesters. I just denied everything, said it wasn't a big deal and left.  Luckily he waited to say something until I was about to leave. It wasn't a good thing.

I really am grateful for my family. All of them. My blood family and my many foster families. They've all been wonderful and given me so much love through the years. I'm grateful for all the men that have come in and out of my life, because I've learned something from every single one of them even if it was as simple as, "he's a jerk and I don't deserve to be treated like that." and I'm grateful for everyone that reads this sorry blog. It makes me feel better that I can share my stories with people and maybe make someone feel like they aren't the only one with a skeezy boyfriend. 

Jack

Another Eharmony failure. This was the date I was so excited about. First of all, let me just tell you what went into getting ready for this date. This was the process. As soon as I got out of work, I raced home to begin my primping process.
1. Biore nose strip. I definitely forgot how painful those things are. But worth it. No more blackheads!!
2. Juniper mint face mask.
3. Shaved legs. (Haven't done that in a while.)
4. Clean, wet hair.
5. Clean, dry hair.
6. Straightened hair.
7. Teased hair.
8. Styled hair.
9. Make up.
10. New clothes.
11. Painted nails
12. Perfume.
13. Frantic pacing in front of the front door waiting for him to show up.

So after three hours of getting ready, I was finally ready to go. I worked really hard to get everything perfect and I was feeling pretty confident. I was really excited and couldn't wait to meet him. He was like twenty minutes late which usually isn't a big deal. But he made me angry, so it just adds to his lameness.

He came to the door and I was really impressed with how gentlemanly he was the majority of the evening. He opened all of the doors for me and always allowed me to walk in a room first. He was polite and I appreciated that.

We got in his car and started driving. He stopped in the middle of the road and asked where I wanted to go for dinner. I HATE making decisions. I would much rather have someone plan it out and know right where we're going than give me a choice. But he was trying to be nice and get my opinion I suppose, so that's nice.

I decided on Pei Wei after asking him what places he liked. So we set off on our way for the restaurant. He literally drove 30 miles an hour the whole way there. 30 miles... That's fifteen under the speed limit. Explain how that makes any sense. When we finally  made it there and ordered our food, we sat down and started talking. He was really nice and I could tell he was incredibly intelligent. Oh... did I mention he's 29 and a professor at a college? Anyway, he asked me some really personal questions about my family and what not and I remember thinking to myself- this is a good sign. He seems genuinely interested in my life. After answering and asking some more questions, he said, I'm going to teach you a little bit about what I teach. and then he started getting super philosophical on me. I'm a relatively intelligent person, but he was asking things that no one can just answer right off the at. The point that he was trying to make was that I am the only person in this entire world that can influence myself. No one else can come into my life and disrupt it without my consent. Which did and didn't make sense.

Then he asked me if he could be honest with me. I told him yes. He looked down for a second. He looked back up and started in about what a special girl I am blah blah blah... I was expecting him to ask me to go on more dates with him. That's not at all what he wanted to say . He said, "I'm in a fairly serious relationship with this other girl. I wanted to go on this date with you because I didn't want to waste your time." How does that make any sense? "I'm probably going to be getting engaged soon to be honest with you. Now Chelsy, you're a wonderful girl and you have so much potential. But you need to lose some weight. No one is ever going to be able to see all that potential until you gain self control. I've been thinking about it, and I'm too old for you. But... I have a brother that is five years younger than me. He's 24. I think you two would be super compatible. I want to take you home to meet him. Now he may ask you to lose weight also. I would suggest you do. Even if it takes you a few years to lose it all- It will change your life. People will start to respect you."

W.T.F. What? Who does that? I was so angry. I couldn't show it though.. I should have asked to be taken home right there and then, but I didn't want to start conflict, so I just went with it. We got back in the car and again he drove thirty miles an hour until we finally got to his house. When we walked in, he introduced me to His brother Lee, who I've kind of met before on facebook. Jack said, "Hey Lee, this is Chelsy. Why don't you show her the house?" Lee acted happy too, like this sort of thing happened all the time. He showed me around the whole house and he seemed genuinely happy to have me be there. We sat in the conference room and started talking. yes, they have a conference room in their house. Their house is HUGE. But there's basically nothing in it. Even their bedrooms are super plain. No one really decorates much. It's crazy. Anyway, we were in the conference room. Jack came in and said, "Hey, Lee. I'm going down stairs. Will you take her home?" Her has a name. It's Chelsy. We met earlier. You told me to lose weight? Try to remember to use my name at least. Good Gravy. Lee happily agreed. He drove me home, and even walked me to the door, and hugged me good night. I walked into the house and immediately started bawling. I couldn't believe he would take me out when he's already seeing someone, say something like that to me, and then pawn me off on his brother. I just felt like the cast offs. He didn't want me, so he offered me to the rest of his brothers like a side of french fries from McDonalds. Which I eat at. Which is apparently not okay.

My sister and I decided that if he asks me if I want to go out with Lee or any of his other brothers, I should be like, "Oh Thanks, but I'm actually busy. Eating bacon and cheese on top of ice cream. With maple syrup. and sprinkles. But the sprinkles are sugar free!"

Just a jerk move. But whatever. I'm over it. I'm sure he meant well. It was just completely lacking in tact and human concern for other people. Get this. On the way to his house, Jack asked me if I kept a journal. I said yes, thinking about this blog. He said, "well tonight will have quite the interesting entry." You have no idea just how interesting, Jack.

Tanner

For some reason, I used to think that no guy was off limits. Even if they were dating some of my best friends. This girl wasn’t very nice, so I didn’t feel real loyalty toward her and this blog is all about me learning from my mistakes so don’t judge me.

In tenth grade I hung out with the swimmers. Don’t ask me why since I wasn’t a swimmer and basically everyone else was, but I was in the middle of trying to find my niche. Tanner and Shelby were the star couple. She was beautiful, he was attractive. She had a bad temper, however. And Tanner got bored easy and didn’t put up with much. They weren’t the best couple. I would constantly get calls from this girl crying about what awful things Tanner said to her and then he would call me and complain about how immature and crazy Shelby was.

In his defense, Shelby was ridiculous. Her goal in high school was to be known as a… not very nice person…  she definitely lived up to her goal. So it’s understandable that Tanner was upset. It doesn’t make what we did okay, but it makes it more understandable on his part. And on my part, I thought no guy would ever like me so when one did, I jumped at the opportunity.

We started talking more and more and meeting up in between classes. I really enjoyed his company- when he wasn’t complaining about Shelby, and he seemed to enjoy mine as well. Then one day, we were walking out of seminary together and he grabbed my hand. I was shocked… I didn’t know what to do, so I just acted like nothing had happened and holding hands was a normal thing.

After thirty long seconds, he dropped my hand, turned to me, and said, “Chelsy. You know I’m with Shelby.” I was so shocked. I didn’t know what to do. I just laughed, hit his arm and kept walking. That was it, though. I was hooked. I followed him everywhere after that. We talked everyday after school and I would stare at him from across the table all through lunch.

We were both in choir. One night after a concert, one of the boys started playing the piano and Tanner and I got up on stage and sang and danced together. For a minute, I forgot Shelby existed. We got all our stuff together and headed for Nelson’s frozen yogurt- because that was the cool thing to do back then. On the way there, Tanner said, “Chelsy, you look cold. Do you want my jacket?” I did want his jacket because a.) I was freezing, and b.) That’s what they do in the movies when they like each other.

“Yes, Please!” I said eagerly.

“I can’t give it to you.” I looked at him questioningly. “It would look like we’re a couple. You know I’m with Shelby.” Shelby… right. My friend… his girlfriend. I shrugged my shoulders, turned up the heat and the radio, and soon the conversation was forgotten.

When we got to Nielson’s, we got in line with the rest of our friends. Again, he grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. Still confused, I pulled away. “You’re with Shelby, remember?” I asked.

“Yeah I know. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Stop trying to hold my hand.” By this time, I was so confused. I got angry and went to sit by some other people. Tanner shrugged it off and went on to the next girl.

I still don’t know what his deal was with that. It still perplexes me. Boys are weird. 

Brian

A little update: I have a date this week. Let me just tell you how super excited I am. When was my last real date? I'm pretty positive it was in the Summer time. and I don't think it was ever really a "date" he bought me dinner. I'll tell you about him. 


Brian got home from his mission a while ago. He actually dated my friend for a while. She told me she had a feeling that I would marry him. Which was weird. I was used to people being like "No. He's my boyfriend. and since I dated him for two days in third grade, you can't even look at him or I'll tell everyone you broke the girl code and stole my boyfriend." You know. That conversation. But the conversation we had was more like, "Chelsy you and this boy would be great together! You're going to get married and have babies and it's all going to be because of meeeee!" so there's that. 


I don't even remember why we started hanging out... I think I got his number and we started texting and I decided to go for it because, heck. Who doesn't want to get married and have babies? So I went into it with the completely wrong mindset. I totally thought I was going to marry this guy. Like I legitimately started thinking to myself, I better start saving up for the wedding! or I can't eat that- I have to be skinny so I'll fit into the wedding dress. (I don't even have a wedding dress) It was a weird psychological thing that happened. 


He is a really great guy, and maybe, if I hadn't gone into it with that weird mindset, something could have happened, but I found myself getting upset. But not even upset. I just felt... complacent? Is that the right word? I started feeling like Well, I better get used to this. This is what it's going to be like when we get married. WHAT? I wasn't even dating the guy yet. haha it was ridiculous.


So now I guess I'll explain what happened with him. Like I said- super nice guy. He asked me to go to his soccer game which was great and I was totally excited about it. I went with him and watched him play and it was precious. That was when I decided that I could totally be his soccer wife. Trophy wife? What ever it is where they tote you around to their games and you watch adoringly from the sidelines. The only thing was, he was so quiet. and I don't mean he just didn't talk much. he didn't. but when he did, it was so quiet, I could barely hear him. and I'm already deaf as it is, so I super couldn't understand him. "What?" was a staple in our conversation.


We went and saw Zookeeper together. This was when it went from I'm going to marry him! To I'm going to marry him. Once again, we weren't even dating yet. we went to dinner after and then he came over to my house to play games. We ended up building "pictures" out of jenga blocks. Once again, precious. I was still super into him at this point. He was financially stable, not that that's the most important thing, but it certainly helps. He was quirky and amusing, but there was just something not clicking.


He asked me to hang out with him and his friends. We played kinnect and watched a movie. During the movie, I did all the right things. I sat really close to him, angled my body toward him and even made my hand available to him, but he didn't take the bait. And that's when I started to feel like eh.... I don't know. 


But we were getting married. So I had to give him another chance right? I left for New Hampshire for two weeks shortly after that. We stayed in touch. At one point, we were talking about soccer- he really likes soccer. He said he had been playing all weekend. I commented that it was healthy! he said "Yeah. It will help me work off my belly keg." Belly Keg? Is that a thing? I said, "Yeah I'm too lazy to work mine off." he said, "It suits you! :)" My fault for bringing it up. and that's nice that he thinks I'm great the way I am. But it suits you? haha okay what ev. so I said, "haha thanks. :P" He said, "Tis true!" Just keep shoving your foot in your mouth son. haha it was kind of cute though. I was in the car with Colleen and Catherine at the time and when I read it to them, we all died laughing. Maybe you had to be there. 


I found out that Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat was at the MAC and since he had never been to a musical, I insisted on taking him. I bought tickets and we went the weekend I got home.That was when I decided it wouldn't work out. We didn't have much in common, and the things we did have in common, we liked for different reasons. I don't know what it was really. I just decided that I couldn't marry him. So I broke off our engagement in my brain.


Surprisingly there was no awkward talk with him. I think he felt that we weren't really all that compatible as well because we just kind of stopped talking. We're still facebook friends. But there's basically no conversation. I'll always think of him as a super nice person that I had a really good time with, but we just weren't meant for each other. Which is totally fine. Oh yuck. I just had the urge to say "totes" Internet, what are you doing to me? Time to go to bed before I #stopusingthespacebar.

Vikings.

I joined Eharmony as I previously mentioned. It turns out, love is even more unattainable on-line. For me at least. They hooked me with all that crap about Tina and Greg and how glad they are that they found each other on line. It sounded pretty easy. You upload some pictures, say a couple things about yourself, and voila, some attractive knight in shinning armor reads your profile and decides he can’t live without you. This is exactly how everything happened at first.

I got matched with some guy named Veranthros. I thought "well that's an odd name..." but I decided to view his profile anyway. A couple days later he viewed mine, so I sent him a message. 

"Hi! I was reading your profile and you seem like a super nice guy!"

His response: 

Hi Chelsy,

Thank you for the compliment, that was very sweet of you:) You seem to be a very nice girl as well, genuine and very intelligent;and, of course you are beautiful.The fact that you are a reader and writer says a lot about who you are...I'm sure you are very passionate,imaginative, and creative in nature.Like you I am a hopeless romantic,hence that is why I am still single (seems hard to find a fairy tale today). I was wondering why you would find interest in someone my age,but you being mature would make sense of that ;) Well feel free to ask me anything that you want, I wont hold back if you promise me you wont...I look forward to hearing back from you.

Dio....my real name (Veranthros is my viking name I made up when I was like 15, and it has just sort of stuck with me:)

So he seems like a super awesome guy so far, right? I was entranced. You might be wondering what he looks like. Well since words can't describe how gorgeous he is, I'll include a picture for your viewing pleasure. 

Gorgeous, right? and look at his arms....

Okay. Enough. 

Back on track. Dio. 

We went back and forth for a while. We started asking and answering questions. He asked about my exes, I asked about his. He asked about my family which tends to be a big mess, but I told him everything. He was super understanding about everything. When he asked about my ex boyfriends, I shared this story with him:

 The most serious relationship I was in lasted about four months... not very long- I know. It ended because he was emotionally abusive. He had me convinced that I was some crazy person and the only one who could ever love me was him. One day he told me his mom gave him money to take me out to dinner. When I asked where we were going he said he wasn't going to take me out. When I asked why he said, "Why would I pay someone to make you fatter?" No joke. Then one day he said, "You know, Chelsy, if you want to lose weight, all you have to do is be bulimic. Lots of girls lose weight that way. I'm not self-conscious about the way I look- I'm curvy and I'm fine with that, but evidently he had a problem with it. haha Yet through all of this I stayed with him because any time I thought about leaving him, he would tell me he loved me or take me on a nice date. I thought I loved him too. It finally got to the point where I couldn’t handle how badly I felt all the time. I started talking to a good friend and he told me I needed to break up with my boyfriend. I did some praying and serious soul searching and finally worked up the courage to break up with him. When I told him, he proposed to me. You know what he said? "Don't ask me how, but somehow I've been able to look past all your weird quirks and even though people say you aren't pretty enough for me, I'm willing to marry you. I guess I love you for some reason. At least I know you'll never cheat on me." I got out of the car and never looked back. And I've never been better. 

I ended the message by asking if he was sure he liked me.

He responded perfectly of course.

Don't feel bad about you weight Chelsy, you are gorgeous...in every way, shape, and form;I just know that you have a very majestic beauty, that not many girls have out there, most beauty is pretty routine (and, I'm not just floating your fancy);so, never stop realizing that. Am I attracted to the "very big" girl...no;but, you are not very big and I know the little weight you retain, is from a stress in your life, and can be reversed. I will end this message by telling you..."yes,I'm sure I like you" :D Are you sure you like me?

He continued to talk to me. He told me he was out of town on a business trip, but that he couldn't wait to get home so that he could meet me in person. I was on cloud nine. I checked my e-maiil like every three seconds for his replies. I showed everyone at work his picture and when they asked if he was my boyfriend, I would say, "Not yet, but he will be soon!" I genuinely thought he would be. But, unfortunately, I am unlucky in love. So that didn't exactly turn out.

It was a week before I heard from him again. I was convinced he was at the bottom of the ocean somewhere and that he had died tragically. Trying not to seem desperate or clingy, I sent him a short message to remind him I was still alive and checking to see if he was. 

I never got a reply. I refuse to believe that he could just stop talking to me like that, so I convinced myself that he had just died. I was terribly depressed for a couple of days. Here was the great guy that was so perfect, and my craziness scared him away. It was unfortunate, But I've learned that anyone that goes by a viking name is weird and not worth it. Or at least that's what I say to make myself feel better.

The moral of this story? Don't join an on-line dating sight because there are no prince charmings on there and the ones that are die tragically in fishing accidents. :)