New Year's Resolution:

This New Year, I only have one resolution. To be me again. Of course there are a lot of other goals wrapped up in that, but that is the general goal. To be Me. The past five years or so, I've really gotten so far away from who I really am as a person. I've let all of my problems and issues get in the way of my whole personality. 

This is who I really am. 

I love to laugh and smile and be weird. Lately, I've let other people's opinions and the fear of rejection take that away from me. 

I'm not perfect. 

One of my eyes is way smaller than the other one:

I'm not a size two: 

I have fat under my chin and HUGE cheeks. 

  There are lots of other silly flaws that I have- my eyebrows are different, My lips are always chapped, I have sausage toes, and the list goes on and on. But the truth is, the only reason I don't like these things, is because society tells me they are not beautiful. or even ugly. Who set two toes next to each other and said... This on is skinny, so it's pretty. But this one. This toe is FAT. That is one FAT, UGLY TOE. It's a toe, people. There are bigger problems in the world, you know what I mean? and yes, it's true that toes are generally not rule breakers, but even on the bigger issues. As long as someone lives a healthy life style, who's to say they aren't beautiful. Beauty is in the human body as it is. 

The truth is, as much as I want to rant about people not accepting me for my body, etc. I'm just not healthy. As far as I'm concerned, being curvy is perfectly acceptable. But I'm not getting to the gym 3-5 times a week and I eat fast food for every meal. The "curves" that I've put on aren't the natural woman's body. They're from processed food and sugar. 

I eat emotionally. When I'm sad, or discouraged, the easiest thing for me to do is eat something delicious. Delicious, fast, and full of calories. 

But that's all I'm going to say about. 

This is my pledge to recommit myself to me. To living a healthy lifestyle, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

Relationships: 

Since I can't seem to attract the right kind of man, I am committed to being single for the next year. I won't date, I won't flirt. I am taking a year to zero in on myself. 

Physically: 

Since I'm not focused on looking sexy for the gentlemen, I can focus on being healthy for me. I commit to eating healthier. I commit to going to the gym at least three times a week. I commit to not say one negative thing about my body from this point on. 

Spiritually:

I commit to loving God more fully. I will invest more time in studying about Christ's life and ministry. I will return to church. I won't be pressured into believing something I don't believe. I will follow my heart and stand up for what I believe in. I will give my life to Him and trust him to lead me through my trials. 

Emotionally:

I commit to cutting out emotionally poisoning people. I will continue to be friendly and kind to everyone I come in contact with, but I will make friends with people who uplift me and make me strive to be better. I also commit to not bringing anyone else down or burdening anyone with my emotional short comings.  I will find more creative ways of expressing my emotions. 

So this is my 2012. A year to be completely free from social pressure. A year to focus completely on who I am and what I need. 

I already am a loving and caring person. I'm not afraid to try new things, and I learn from my mistakes most of the time. I have a soft heart and open arms. and I'm beautiful.  Society is weird about girls saying they think they're attractive, but I don't care. God blessed me with a beautiful face, and I'm grateful for it. This next year will be about celebrating the beauty that I already posses and creating more beauty by healing my soul. 

Before, being happy was an unattainable idea. I'm hoping that after a couple months of this new regime, It will become attainable. :) 

Happy New Year!!

Love, Chelsy. <3

Houston we have a problem

Have you ever done something so horrifically mortifying that you feel like it was a dream? No... not feel. Hope. you hope and pray to GOD that it was a dream? I did that not too long ago.

I know I'm an awkward, weird person. But I'm comfortable with my level of awkward/ weirdness. The was a level beyond me, like I don't even know how in the world I achieved this. It's really amazing, actually. 

So a while back, there was this guy named Houston. He started working at the movie theater and I had a crush on him. But I was smart and said, "No, Chelsy. Don't do it. you work with him." Plus, I didn't think he was interested. Let's see. I learned the lesson about not dating guys I work with and not dating guys that co-workers set me up with... That just leaves Lesson number 3: Don't date people you used to work with. My pool of fish is getting awfully small...

So a while after quitting the theater, I went to dinner with a good friend that still worked there. We got on the subject of Houston. Long story short, she told me he was actually planning on asking me out before I quit. Needless to say, I freaked out. I had been repressing my feelings for him for so long and to find out that he might have them in return? I was freaking out. So... I texted him that night.

I was getting a little sick and I was super tired. Anyone that knows me well knows that the two things that make me the weirdest are being tired and being sick. Put them together, and I turn into this... complete psycho. Like it's ridiculous. 

We start off with the normal stuff. he said something really funny about going to nursing school because he really likes giving people sponge baths. I laughed too hard and posted a status about it on facebook.... and then we get to the really bad part. 

"Can I tell you a secret without you getting weird?"

"I guess so..."

"Okay well get ready because this is coming from way out in left field. Like you won't be expecting it."

"Okay..."

and then I said THE STUPIDEST THING EVER. It was supposed to be funny. But it was the least funny thing I think I've ever said. And I've said some pretty un-funny things. I said, 

"I'm a lesbian." and then I waited in agony for him to reply. and it took him like four minutes... 

"Oh. That's cool." Oh my gosh. I internally face palmed. Do you know what the internal version of a face palm is? A brain skull. I brain skulled from the stupidity. 

"Hahaha I'm just kidding. But I did have a crush on you the whole time we worked together."

"Oh... that's cool." ... Oh Chelsy... what have you done, my friend? This was so awkward. I could feel my toes curling and my eyebrows squishing together. Maybe I'm the only person that does that when I feel awkward but it's an involuntary response that my body has. Like it's trying to protect itself from the awkwardness. It's kind of happening right now, actually, even just remembering this. 

"Haha yeah... so if you ever want to, you know... hang out or anything let me know! Cause I think you're a really cool guy."

"Yeah totally."

"Okay... just let me know when you're free."

and we never talked again.

I wish. 

Tonight, actually, I went to Harkins to pick some stuff up from a former co-worker. I chatted things up with a group of managers and team members. Houston was somehow brought up and I said, "Remember how that one time I was trying to tell Houston I liked him, but I told him I was a lesbian instead? and then Miss Hayley said, "Remember how that one time he told me about that?" and then T-rez (I really hope she reads this so she sees her awesome nickname) said, "Remember how he told me about that too?" I wanted to die. It was ridiculous.

and we never spoke about it again.

I wish.

A couple minutes later, who should come sauntering up? But Houston. and of course the T-rez and Hayley call him over just because awkward things are so funny. so he walks up and the look on his face. oh my goodness. You could just tell that the last thing he wanted to do was walk up and talk to me. So he says something and T-rez told him he was  a liar and I said, "Yeah, Houston! You're the biggest liar ever! Remember when you told these guys that I said I was a lesbian? What? Where did that come from? Lesbians." Super funny? right? wrong. Not funny. Of course my girls backed me up with some laughter. But he looked like he wanted to die. "Yeah... I'm going on break." He said before walking away. 

And we never talked again.

I wish

The story just keeps going. It's like a horrible nightmare that never ends. 

I ended up texting him because I can't stand the idea of people not liking me. so I said, "I am so sorry! hahaha I know you think I'm super weird. and I should just leave it alone, but I feel bad. haha" ugh my toes are curling again. This is awful. I sent him another text right after that said, "I don't know how to fix this. haha" Because I don't. and I can't. The only way to fix it is to build a time machine and go back and never say anything to him ever. 

But everything happens for a reason. It's not meant to be. and If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have had such a lovely conversation with Hayley, T-rez and Riri. So life is good. 

Moral of this story... Take my phone away if I'm feeling remotely sleepy or sniffle-y. and For the love of Gravy, if I'm feeling a combination of the two, save yourself the trouble and throw it in the pool. 

Bests and Worsts of 2011

As the year is coming to an end, I’ve been reminiscing a lot about the year and some of the best and worst times. It’s been a difficult task because I’ve trained myself to forget about painful experiences just after I’ve told all my friends, family, and random strangers that I could…

But I’ve taken the time to sit back and list a bunch of bests and worsts. Here they are.

Best idea: starting this blog. It’s been really fun for me to write out all my angst and it even helps me to forgive those jerks.

Worst idea: joining E-harmony. Seriously, unless you’re 36 and living with a bunch of cats, this website is not for you. Stop being lazy, put on your best outfit- wear it 9 days in a row if you want to as long as the same people don’t see you in it, and get dates!! Just be confident in who you are and have a good sense of humor and guys will come flocking to you.

Biggest disappointment: That the above didn’t work.

Biggest achievement:  Learning to be the bigger person. No seriously, I gained thirty pounds.

Best goal I accomplished: Getting a new job and quitting Harkins.

Goal I didn’t accomplish: The above job wasn’t marriage.

Best date: There’s still twenty more days to have a good one…

Worst date: “You need to lose weight” need I say more?

Best kiss: pouring rain under a blanket in front of a fire. No, it really happened.

Worst kiss: Too much slobber.

Best “first”: Acting in a college play.

Worst “first”: Spitting in someone’s face for said play.

Best moment: Watching Harry at midnight with good friends.

Worst moment: Realizing that I would never read another series as good as Harry Potter.

Next year: I look forward to a lot of good things next year. Unlike last year, I’m not going to expect to be married or have kids or even be engaged or dating anyone. Next year is all about bettering myself and becoming who I want to be. And I’m starting today. Yeah, I only went to sacrament meeting today and I got Wendy’s afterwards, but baby steps. I’ll get there. We all will. So this is my recommitment to me. I’m going to get through this and ever so slowly, my unattainable ideas may just turn into attainable ones. Thanks for reading, everyone. 

Jeff

I guess I can tell you about Jeff. I’m really relying on you guys not to judge me. I’ve done some really stupid stuff, but I think we all have at one time or another. So here’s the story of Jeff.

My senior year of high school, I got super sick. I felt gross all the time. I never wore makeup, stuck my hair in a messy bun and sweats were a staple in my wardrobe. I would sometimes venture out of the house to go to the grocery store or get gas. On one of these occasions, I met Jeff.

He was the gas station guy at Fry’s. He obviously loved his job. He was always walking around talking to people and laughing and smiling at them. He was real big on high fives and handshakes. For all the men and old people, it was a handshake. For all the women and children, it was a high five. He was a nice guy.

I was attracted to him from the moment I saw him. He was a little on the short side, but taller than me. He was physically fit and wore square rimmed glasses. He was a hipster before it was cool. I know the way I’m describing him, it sounds like he was somewhere around 18-21. Nah. He was 32. Just twice my age at the time. No big deal…

The first time we met was one of those nights where I decided to venture out of the house with my good friend Daniela. She started getting gas and I sat in the car with the door open. And that’s when I saw Jeff. He walked right up to us and said, “Hello Ladies! How are you doing tonight?”

We both smiled- Daniela did her awkward This-guy-is-a-weirdo-get-me-out-of-this-situation smile (Yes it’s a specific smile and I’ve seen it on many occasions) and turned back to pumping gas. I have a bad habit of being too friendly so I said hello and we struck up a conversation. He put his hand on the car and leaned in close to talk to me. He told me how beautiful he thought I was. I explained how ill I was and had been for the past several months and asked if he was usually attracted to pale, shaky girls with dark circles under their eyes and brittle hair that fell out at the lightest touch. He just laughed and told me my beauty couldn’t be dulled by even that. And I was hooked.

I started going to that gas station whenever I needed gas. Even if I didn’t really need gas but wanted to pretend to get some. And I always got dressed up. I would throw on my cutest outfit and attempt to style my hair so that I could cover up the bald spots. Whenever I came over the first words out of his mouth were always, “Hello beautiful!” I loved the attention. I was beginning to get addicted to it. I decided that I would take it to the next level.

The next time I went to get gas, I took my wing woman Deven with me. If you remember, Deven is the girl that I get in the most trouble with. We always manage to do something stupid when we’re together. I didn’t know just how stupid this was until after it all played out…

When we got there, I handed Deven my gas money and a crumpled receipt from walmart with my digits on it. (Did saying digits make me sound cooler? Cause in my mind, I sounded like a high male college freshman.) She walked it up to him and explained that it was from me. About a minute later, as I was trying to get my shaky hands to fit the nozel in my car, Jeff came striding over.

“You beautiful sweet heart. Was that number from you?”

“Ha yeah.” I laughed, getting embarrassed.

“I am so flattered. Thank you so much!” and then he kissed me on the cheek. I was dazed for a second. “You come back soon now and see me, okay?”

“hmhmhmkay” I smiled goofily.

When we got home and I was done freaking out, Deven and I were sitting on our beds discussing what had happened when I got a phone call from an unknown number. I answered and it was Jeff on the other end.

“Chelsy, baby, It’s Jeff. Listen. I am so flattered that you gave me your number, but sweetheart, I’m married.”

“You’re married?!?! Oh my goodness I am so sorry! Forget I even gave you my number. How embarrassing. I’m sorry!”

“Baby, baby, baby. It’s fine. Really. I’m flattered. Don’t be embarrassed. We can still be friends, right?”

“No, of course we can!” Yeah. An 18 year old girl can be friends with a 32 year old married man, right? Wrong. So very, very wrong.

We talked for a couple more minutes before hanging up. Deven and I died laughing as soon as I was off the phone. A couple minutes later, I got a text from him. He asked for a picture, so I sent him one thinking, “Yeah. It’s just for his caller ID. No big deal, right? Wrong. Big deal. Don’t give married men pictures.   About 12 minutes later, he texted me again for a “sexy picture showing a little more skin” I wrote the word “sexy” on my arm in green marker and took a picture of it. He acted like he thought it was funny, but I know what he was really thinking.

The next day, Deven and I got all dressed up to go “job hunting” we really just got dressed up to go get gas. We stopped inside Fry’s first to get a couple things.  When we were in the checkout line when I asked the cashier, “Do you know if Jeff is here today?” She looked me up and down and said, “Yeah. He’s here. Are you his wife?” “Uhm… no. Just a… friend.” I said tripping over my words. And then I got that look… The look I hope none of you ever receive. I got the You’re-a-dirty-ho-that’s-trying-to-break-up-a-marriage look. I felt awful. And I was about to feel more awful.

As soon as I got out of my car to start getting gas, Jeff walked right up to me, grabbed my face and kissed me full on the lips. I was dazed. I didn’t know what to do. I had always dreamed of being kissed like that- Just to be taken in someone’s arms and kissed spontaneously… but he was married. Married. Cheating is not an okay thing and that was what I was doing. I was having an affair with a married man kind of. My palms were getting sweaty. I didn’t like what I was feeling at all. He pecked my cheek and told me he would be over as soon as he helped out a couple people.

I sat on the trunk of my car and crossed my legs. I looked at Deven she looked back at me. She smiled mischeiviously and gave me the thumbs up. I shook my head and pointed at my left ring finger. Married, remember? She waved that little fact off. But I couldn’t. I felt tortured inside. True to his word, Jeff came back before my car was done filling up. He uncrossed my legs and moved in between them to kiss me one more time on the face. We talked for a minute because I still didn’t know what to do. 

As soon as I got home, I sent him a text that said, “Listen, I really like you, but I’m not going to help you cheat on your wife.” Not the best choice of words, but it was the truth. He replied,

“Baby baby baby if that’s what you think was going on here, that’s not it at all. We’re just friendly friends giving friendly kisses.”  Yeah. I make out with all my friends. It’s totally normal. Right.

So I said, “That can be what you think this is, but I am not comfortable with this at all”

And that was kind of the end of that. I didn’t really talk to him anymore and I started going back to AMPM for my gas. It was out of the way, but it was cheaper. And since I’m not into super old Indian men with long, white beards and turbans, I think it’s safe to say I wasn’t giving my number out to any married gas station workers.

I know what you’re thinking. Wow, Chelsy. How can you have no respect for the most sacred thing in the universe? You’re an awful person.  I thought the same thing for a long time. But I’m not like that anymore. I’ve learned my lesson and I’m not going down that road again. And once again, while I’m not proud of it, I don’t regret it because I learned a valuable lesson from it. So that’s the story of Jeff. 

Green Ice Cream

Gotta love the Holidays. Lately I've been trying to stay in touch with my dad. Keep him updated on my life and such. I'm starting to think that might not be such a good idea. When I told him about Jack, he warned me that the guys I was going for were too old and I shouldn't be going after these guys. What he doesn't understand is that it's not me going for them. I go for what ever goes at me. I'm like a lioness that has been starving for three weeks. I'll chase just about anything that wanders into my path. Is this healthy? No. am I being respectful to myself? No. but beggars can't be choosers.

Which makes me wonder- if I stopped begging, could I be more choosy? That's probably the point. and I think I'm slowly learning that. But anyway, back to my dad. I called him right after my date expecting him to get angry and tell me how ridiculous that guy was and how he would kick his but all the way to Nicaragua or somewhere like that if he ever saw him. You know what he said? He said, "good." Good? Really dad? Your daughter was just publicly humiliated. I was flabbergasted. "Good? You really think that's a good thing?" Then he said, "No, I'm just glad you didn't have a good time because you shouldn't be dating such old guys. You need to date people your own age." Once again, I would love to date guys my own age. Next time you meet a 22-25 year old with a college degree that loves dogs and Chinese food and rain and hockey and music and... me... you let me know. (That's just the perfect guy... that's all.)

Anyway, back to the holidays. My aunt had Thanksgiving at her house, like always, and I was loving being around all my family. They're better than your family. I'm just going to throw that out there. Even though we're in our twenties, all of the cousins are still banished to the "kid table" Our cool Aunt Becky used to sit with us, but she out grew us when she got a boyfriend. But she still makes her "green ice cream" every year, so it's okay. Just to clarify, it isn't really ice cream. no one really knows what's in it, but it's the greatest thing ever and knowing the ingredients would just ruin the magic of it all. 

Believe it or not, this blog post was not meant to be all about my dad and green ice cream, but that's what it has turned into. Back to what I was previously talking about, I was getting ready to go and I had gone around and kissed everyone good bye, I over heard my dad talking to my Grammy in the kitchen. He said, "Chelsy has a problem with being attracted to older men. You need to talk to her about that." First of all Dad, if you want someone to talk to me about something, do it yourself. Second of all, do you really have to bring that up in front of the entire family? Thanks for that. I was humiliated. With the look on my grandma's face, you would have thought my dad had said I was attracted to serial killers and child molesters. I just denied everything, said it wasn't a big deal and left.  Luckily he waited to say something until I was about to leave. It wasn't a good thing.

I really am grateful for my family. All of them. My blood family and my many foster families. They've all been wonderful and given me so much love through the years. I'm grateful for all the men that have come in and out of my life, because I've learned something from every single one of them even if it was as simple as, "he's a jerk and I don't deserve to be treated like that." and I'm grateful for everyone that reads this sorry blog. It makes me feel better that I can share my stories with people and maybe make someone feel like they aren't the only one with a skeezy boyfriend. 

Jack

Another Eharmony failure. This was the date I was so excited about. First of all, let me just tell you what went into getting ready for this date. This was the process. As soon as I got out of work, I raced home to begin my primping process.
1. Biore nose strip. I definitely forgot how painful those things are. But worth it. No more blackheads!!
2. Juniper mint face mask.
3. Shaved legs. (Haven't done that in a while.)
4. Clean, wet hair.
5. Clean, dry hair.
6. Straightened hair.
7. Teased hair.
8. Styled hair.
9. Make up.
10. New clothes.
11. Painted nails
12. Perfume.
13. Frantic pacing in front of the front door waiting for him to show up.

So after three hours of getting ready, I was finally ready to go. I worked really hard to get everything perfect and I was feeling pretty confident. I was really excited and couldn't wait to meet him. He was like twenty minutes late which usually isn't a big deal. But he made me angry, so it just adds to his lameness.

He came to the door and I was really impressed with how gentlemanly he was the majority of the evening. He opened all of the doors for me and always allowed me to walk in a room first. He was polite and I appreciated that.

We got in his car and started driving. He stopped in the middle of the road and asked where I wanted to go for dinner. I HATE making decisions. I would much rather have someone plan it out and know right where we're going than give me a choice. But he was trying to be nice and get my opinion I suppose, so that's nice.

I decided on Pei Wei after asking him what places he liked. So we set off on our way for the restaurant. He literally drove 30 miles an hour the whole way there. 30 miles... That's fifteen under the speed limit. Explain how that makes any sense. When we finally  made it there and ordered our food, we sat down and started talking. He was really nice and I could tell he was incredibly intelligent. Oh... did I mention he's 29 and a professor at a college? Anyway, he asked me some really personal questions about my family and what not and I remember thinking to myself- this is a good sign. He seems genuinely interested in my life. After answering and asking some more questions, he said, I'm going to teach you a little bit about what I teach. and then he started getting super philosophical on me. I'm a relatively intelligent person, but he was asking things that no one can just answer right off the at. The point that he was trying to make was that I am the only person in this entire world that can influence myself. No one else can come into my life and disrupt it without my consent. Which did and didn't make sense.

Then he asked me if he could be honest with me. I told him yes. He looked down for a second. He looked back up and started in about what a special girl I am blah blah blah... I was expecting him to ask me to go on more dates with him. That's not at all what he wanted to say . He said, "I'm in a fairly serious relationship with this other girl. I wanted to go on this date with you because I didn't want to waste your time." How does that make any sense? "I'm probably going to be getting engaged soon to be honest with you. Now Chelsy, you're a wonderful girl and you have so much potential. But you need to lose some weight. No one is ever going to be able to see all that potential until you gain self control. I've been thinking about it, and I'm too old for you. But... I have a brother that is five years younger than me. He's 24. I think you two would be super compatible. I want to take you home to meet him. Now he may ask you to lose weight also. I would suggest you do. Even if it takes you a few years to lose it all- It will change your life. People will start to respect you."

W.T.F. What? Who does that? I was so angry. I couldn't show it though.. I should have asked to be taken home right there and then, but I didn't want to start conflict, so I just went with it. We got back in the car and again he drove thirty miles an hour until we finally got to his house. When we walked in, he introduced me to His brother Lee, who I've kind of met before on facebook. Jack said, "Hey Lee, this is Chelsy. Why don't you show her the house?" Lee acted happy too, like this sort of thing happened all the time. He showed me around the whole house and he seemed genuinely happy to have me be there. We sat in the conference room and started talking. yes, they have a conference room in their house. Their house is HUGE. But there's basically nothing in it. Even their bedrooms are super plain. No one really decorates much. It's crazy. Anyway, we were in the conference room. Jack came in and said, "Hey, Lee. I'm going down stairs. Will you take her home?" Her has a name. It's Chelsy. We met earlier. You told me to lose weight? Try to remember to use my name at least. Good Gravy. Lee happily agreed. He drove me home, and even walked me to the door, and hugged me good night. I walked into the house and immediately started bawling. I couldn't believe he would take me out when he's already seeing someone, say something like that to me, and then pawn me off on his brother. I just felt like the cast offs. He didn't want me, so he offered me to the rest of his brothers like a side of french fries from McDonalds. Which I eat at. Which is apparently not okay.

My sister and I decided that if he asks me if I want to go out with Lee or any of his other brothers, I should be like, "Oh Thanks, but I'm actually busy. Eating bacon and cheese on top of ice cream. With maple syrup. and sprinkles. But the sprinkles are sugar free!"

Just a jerk move. But whatever. I'm over it. I'm sure he meant well. It was just completely lacking in tact and human concern for other people. Get this. On the way to his house, Jack asked me if I kept a journal. I said yes, thinking about this blog. He said, "well tonight will have quite the interesting entry." You have no idea just how interesting, Jack.

Tanner

For some reason, I used to think that no guy was off limits. Even if they were dating some of my best friends. This girl wasn’t very nice, so I didn’t feel real loyalty toward her and this blog is all about me learning from my mistakes so don’t judge me.

In tenth grade I hung out with the swimmers. Don’t ask me why since I wasn’t a swimmer and basically everyone else was, but I was in the middle of trying to find my niche. Tanner and Shelby were the star couple. She was beautiful, he was attractive. She had a bad temper, however. And Tanner got bored easy and didn’t put up with much. They weren’t the best couple. I would constantly get calls from this girl crying about what awful things Tanner said to her and then he would call me and complain about how immature and crazy Shelby was.

In his defense, Shelby was ridiculous. Her goal in high school was to be known as a… not very nice person…  she definitely lived up to her goal. So it’s understandable that Tanner was upset. It doesn’t make what we did okay, but it makes it more understandable on his part. And on my part, I thought no guy would ever like me so when one did, I jumped at the opportunity.

We started talking more and more and meeting up in between classes. I really enjoyed his company- when he wasn’t complaining about Shelby, and he seemed to enjoy mine as well. Then one day, we were walking out of seminary together and he grabbed my hand. I was shocked… I didn’t know what to do, so I just acted like nothing had happened and holding hands was a normal thing.

After thirty long seconds, he dropped my hand, turned to me, and said, “Chelsy. You know I’m with Shelby.” I was so shocked. I didn’t know what to do. I just laughed, hit his arm and kept walking. That was it, though. I was hooked. I followed him everywhere after that. We talked everyday after school and I would stare at him from across the table all through lunch.

We were both in choir. One night after a concert, one of the boys started playing the piano and Tanner and I got up on stage and sang and danced together. For a minute, I forgot Shelby existed. We got all our stuff together and headed for Nelson’s frozen yogurt- because that was the cool thing to do back then. On the way there, Tanner said, “Chelsy, you look cold. Do you want my jacket?” I did want his jacket because a.) I was freezing, and b.) That’s what they do in the movies when they like each other.

“Yes, Please!” I said eagerly.

“I can’t give it to you.” I looked at him questioningly. “It would look like we’re a couple. You know I’m with Shelby.” Shelby… right. My friend… his girlfriend. I shrugged my shoulders, turned up the heat and the radio, and soon the conversation was forgotten.

When we got to Nielson’s, we got in line with the rest of our friends. Again, he grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. Still confused, I pulled away. “You’re with Shelby, remember?” I asked.

“Yeah I know. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Stop trying to hold my hand.” By this time, I was so confused. I got angry and went to sit by some other people. Tanner shrugged it off and went on to the next girl.

I still don’t know what his deal was with that. It still perplexes me. Boys are weird.