Just a side note-

I joined e-harmony. Yes. My life has become THAT pathetic. :)

Nick

Here's a fun one. Nick. So as mentioned before, I learned that dating people from work was a BAD idea. This is the story that taught me not to let people from work set me up.


I was working box one slow day when the team member I was working with pulled out her phone and started texting.


"Phone away," I said not even bothering to look up from the computer desk. "At least try to hide it from me."


"Sorry I'm helping with a crisis." She said sliding her phone under the cash register. "Chelsy..." she said a moment later, "Are you dating anyone?" It had in fact been about a year since I'd been in any kind of relationship.


"Nope. I'm single as can be." I said fighting the urge to slam my face down on the desk. "Why do you ask?" other than to remind me of how pathetically alone I am.


"Well I have this friend- you know, the one I was texting? Well I think you guys would make a really great couple." Crisis! Crisis! Hearing that word should have made me wary of even talking to the guy. But as is the general theme, with guys I kind of have to mess up in order to learn anything. So pretty much from the second she told me he was Mormon and single, I was hearing wedding bells. I even waved off the fact that he was divorced as of a week before, had a three year old son, and was seven years older than me.


Being the hypocrite that I am, I pulled out my phone and began texting him. He was a little weird, but I figured that was forgivable because he had been married for the past five years and was new to the whole dating thing. Plus I knew that the moment I met him, I would fall head over heels for him.


and then he showed me a picture of his son. I don't usually like kids. They drive me crazy. I know I'll like my own since they'll be mine blah blah blah, but when it comes to loving someone else’s kids, It's usually pretty hard for me to do. But I fell in LOVE with this kid. He was seriously the cutest little blonde hair blue eyed kid I had ever seen. I knew I was in BIG trouble now.


I continued to text him. The next day he asked me on a date. We agreed on Monday night since we both had the day off. "Great!," he said. "I don't know if I'll be able to get a sitter, though. Would it be okay if I brought my son?" Another warning sign. The lights are flashing, the alarms are going off. Still I ignore them. I adore his son, remember?


"Please bring him! I can't wait to meet him!" Stupid Chelsy. Stupid.


"Perfect. We can call it family night! We can take Tanner to see Rio, then go out to dinner, then take Tanner to the temple. He loves the temple." More warning signs. He's calling our first date "family night" and wants to take me to the temple? At this rate I'll be married in a month!


As the days are going on I'm realizing more and more how weird this guy is. I'm still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he just keeps getting weirder.


I didn't find out how truly weird he was, however, until A couple days before our "family night."


I was working concession, a busier part of the theatre when I got a call over the walkie asking me to go up to guest services. I replied that I was in the middle of something and would be up in ten minutes. About twenty minutes later I finally made my way up to the front. Once I got to the lobby, I stopped dead in my tracks. There sitting on a bench in front of me, was Nick.. I recognized him from the millions of pictures he had sent me over the past week or so. Let me just tell you, he was cuter in the pictures.


"Hey Nick!" I said, a confused look on my face. He got up quickly and tromped over to me flinging an arm around my shoulder.


"Hey Chels! I knew you were working tonight and I decided to come by after I got off. I texted you." Wha...?


"Oh that's really nice!" I said disentangling myself from his arm. "Sorry it took me so long to get up here, we're actually really busy- you see I don't get off for another hour and a half-" I was trying to get rid of him, but at this point he cut me off.


"Oh that's okay, I'll wait." He'll wait... awesome. I was feeling so awkward and out of sorts. I had made up my mind that day that I didn't have feelings for him and that he was a weird guy but I was banking on the fact that I would never have to actually see him face to face. Once I meet someone in real life, like outside of texting and facebook, it becomes too personal for me to effectively let them down easy. Now I was being forced to hang around this guy and act like I like him, only to break his heart the next day. All of this was going through my head as I contemplated the best way to get him to leave.


"Oh you don't want to wait! It's going to take forever and you'll be so bored!"


"Oh I don't mind, I'll just watch you." That's not creepy or anything.


"Okay..." I said feeling dejected and freaked out at the same time.


I walked back to the concession stand and told my manager everything. Of course she cracked up and watched him watch me for the rest of the night. She would run to the back and give me updates on him while I tried to plan the best way to get away from him without having to talk to him. At this point my senior manager noticed I hadn't been in front bar for an extended amount of time, so he came to find me.


"Why aren't you up front?" He asked me in that you may or may not be in trouble kind of voice. I looked to Ms. Miller who explained the whole story to him.


A little side note about Mr. M- I tell him everything. He basically knows my whole history. He's been like a second father to me over the past couple years. When we were doing Summer hiring, there was this totally gorgeous totally professional looking African American gentleman who came in to apply. He had a degree in communications and boy was he a smooth talker. We conversed for a good twenty minutes before he shook my hand and departed leaving me with his application. As soon as Mr. M. came in, I showed him the application and explained that he HAD to hire him because I just knew that I was going to marry him and have beautiful mixed children. He told me that he was waaaay over qualified and would most likely not take the job or quit after orientation. I told him I didn't care and begged once more for him to hire Gabe. A true angel in my eyes.


I was shocked the next week to see that he had, in deed, hired Gabe. We joked that I could just go through the applications every week and select the guys I thought would make great eternal companions for myself and he would hire them. Gabe did quit right after orientation to pursue an internship, but that just goes to show you the kind of relationship Mr. M and I share.


Anyway, after Ms. Miller told him, he started into the whole warning me about guys like that and he wanted me to be safe and he told me "under no circumstances are you to go outside with him." and I agreed. This guy was crazy.


So after work, I walked slowly toward Nick. He rushed to meet me. He steered me away from all the people and started walking outside.


You’ve seen the cartoons where one character is being drug across the floors by another character and the one being drug leaves behind big, long, scratch marks in the carpet? That’s the only visual I can use to describe my feelings at that time.


We walked outside and he would have gone further, but I sat down on the bench right outside the front door where I was still in view of Mr. M. He talked to me for an hour about nothing in particular. I got the feeling that he was incredibly lonely. He was very nice and complimentary, but he was NOT for me. I was starting to feel trapped. We were going on an hour and a half and I kept trying to hint that I needed to leave, to no avail. He just kept chattering on. I was ready to start chewing my leg off, though I don’t think even that would have helped me in this situation.


I had purposely taken my radio outside with me, just in case I needed to call for help from this weirdo. I was so grateful I did when an hour and forty minutes into the one sided conversation, Mr. M called me.


“Chelsy?” relief flooded through me. I held down the black button and said,


“Go ahead.”


“Hey, I need a print screened if you’re interested.” I jumped at the opportunity to get away from Nick. Supervisors weren’t allowed to screen movies so I knew it was Mr. M trying to get me out of the situation I was in.


“Absolutely, sir. I’ll be right in.” I replied. Turning to Nick, I said, “I am so sorry. They work me to the bone here. But thanks for stopping by. I’ll talk to you later.” And after an awkward hug, I walked back inside.


I, of course, thanked my manager profusely for the save and drove home pretty set on telling the guy I wasn’t interested the next day.


I had everything I wanted to say prepared. He was a great guy, but I just wasn’t interested in a relationship blah blah blah. Before I could send him the text, however, he sent me this adorable picture of his son. I turned to mush. I knew I had to get rid of him though. So I retyped the text.


I said a lot of things. Some true, some not. I’m a bad person, get over it. Basically I told him that I had just gotten out of a super emotionally abusive relationship and I wasn’t ready for even friendship with guys. I felt really bad for saying that afterward, however, because he messaged me on facebook the next day:

o    Just In Case

Hey Chelsy,
I just thought you would like to know that I completely understand what you are going through. I didn't think that I would be able to text you what I was thinking but also felt that I needed to let you know. Everything that happens for a reason and I think that you and I needed to find one another and this is why, I know that you don't know a lot about me and definitely don't know much about my past relationship, but here is what I feel I should tell you: Before my wife divorced me she attacked me with a lot of verbal attacks as well as controlled me in a way that I was not allowed to see or really talk with my family. She filed a restraining order. As I went in to respond and defend my honor there were a number of posters, on each one a number of questions. As I read them I responded yes to almost every one of them. Then I read the bottom of each one and found that I had been in an abusive situation for more than four years. I am now trying to rebuild yet don't feel like I am ready. I have a terrible fear that I will find another "wonderful" woman who would be a wonderful mom and have the same situation that I have had for the past five years. I don't know that you want to talk to me about what you have gone through and would not ask you to, but if you ever need a freind with a listening ear, know that I am here. I feel that whether or not we would ever be anything more than just friends or not is beyond the point. You have helped me to open up and I know that everything happens for a reason. Know that god loves you and that no matter what; I will forever be your friend and brother. With love from your spirit brother and earthly friend,

Nicolas

See? He’s super nice and he’s been through a lot. But he was just so weird. I couldn’t handle it. He made me uncomfortable and I wanted out. So I replied:

Hey! I am so sorry that it's taken me this long to get back to you- I've been so super busy. But Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about this. I appreciate it. I'm really so sorry for everything that you've had to go through. It's extremely unfortunate and I'm so sorry. but like you said, everything happens for a reason. You are a stronger and a better person because of it. and now you know what an abusive relationship looks like. That's what I'm grateful for. I know I'll never get into one again. Thank you for your invitation to talk. I'll keep that in mind. If you ever need anything just let me know and I would like to remain friends. I'm sorry that I freaked out a little bit, I'm just a little terrified of any kind of relationship right now. even if it is just friendly. I really hope you have a great night/day/whatever it is when you read this. :)

Chelsy

And he replied:

I as well will apologize for taking so long to get back to you. I have been working almost none stop and have things going before and after work. I did read your email the day you wrote, thanks to my smart phone but have not had the time to sit down and respond to you yet. I too am sorry for what you have experienced. It is something that I wish we could rid the world of. Abuse of any kind should not be tolerated, it just isn't Christ like. I do think that I will in time be a stronger person as will you, but that takes time. I appreciate your offer to help if I ever need anything and about the freaking out........no sweat. I think I have told you before, I am really laid back and easy going sometimes to a fault. Really no need to apologize. I can understand the whole relationship thing, and I am not worried about it. I understand as it is hard for me to have just friends because I am scared that I might fall back into an abusive relationship and I worry that every single person I talk to might turn into my ex......that includes both you and Brittney, even though I know we are just friends the What If always runs through my mind. I too would like to remain friends. I think that I should apologize to you, you see I have not had any friends for around three years. I was not allowed to, so when Brittney introduced the thought of you being there, my thoughts were to treat you like a long lost friend or like I would my sisters and I know that I come across as over bearing and too much and that is something I am working on. So please forgive me for that, I am learning it like everything else will probably take some time to figure out how everything is again. Alright need to go to work tutoring my student. It is our last night that we will have if he is going to pass. I hope that this finds you well and god speed.

He was just weird. I never did reply to this and I deleted him on facebook a few months ago. So I’m hoping he’s gone forever. I’m always hesitant to post these stories because I’m afraid that I’ll come off as rude or mean and sometimes I’m afraid that I’m sharing too much of their personal stuff. But that’s why I change their names so I figure it’s not a big deal. Anyway, That’s the story of Nick.

Kyle

I’ve always been a little desperate for male attention. I can’t help it. I crave companionship and love and I don’t get it much. So I sometimes come off a little clingy and well… desperate.

When I first started my job at the theatre, there was a supervisor that I was just enamored with. I loved working with him and he knew it. One day, we were sitting in the usher closet killing time. Kyle was talking to another guy in the room when he looked down at me. I said,

“Oh wow, your eyes are blue.” It wasn’t in an ‘I’m creepy and in love with you’ kind of way. More like an ‘Oh I just happened to notice that you have really blue eyes. Good for you!’ kind of way. He said, “Aw.” And lifted my chin with his hand and looked at me for a moment. My knees went weak. I don’t know why I found that so adorable, but I did. From that moment on, I was hooked. And I guess he was too.

A couple days later, he messaged me on facebook with his number and an invitation to text him any time I felt like it. So, we started talking. He told me all about how he had dated 18 girls and all of them had cheated on him. He also told me he was addicted to sex. Awesome, right? I of course, was convinced I could cure anyone of anything. I have a savior complex. I told him I didn’t judge him for anything.

A little while later, I was invited to hang out with him at his house. His house was a half hour away and I was not allowed to be out of the house, really. But I didn’t care. I was so in "like" with him that I would have moved mountains to get to him. So I snuck out of the house to go see him.

His sister was there and they were playing Mario on the wii. The weird thing about Kyle and his sister is they look EXACTLY alike. Like if you put a wig on Kyle, they could literally pass as the same person. His sister is super pretty though, so it’s weird. But anyway, you would have thought that Kyle would have stopped playing with his sister and engaged in some sort of activity with me. But no. He just assumed that I had come over to watch him play Mario. Not even close.

Finally I decided it was time to go home. He paused his game to walk me outside. How kind, right? Boys are stupid. Anyway, a little back story. A few weeks previously my car had been broken into. They had thrown a rock through the rear left passenger side window. I usually kept it taped up, but for some reason, I didn’t one night. I drove to work without a problem, but about halfway through my shift, I noticed it was pouring outside. I begged my manager to let me run outside and tape my window up. She agreed as long as I took Kyle so I didn’t get raped in the parking lot. Little did she know that Kyle was probably the person most likely to rape me out there. Anyway, we grabbed towels, tape, and a trash bag and ran outside to tape the window up. He did most of the taping, however, since I’m a bit incompetent.

The day that I went over to Kyle’s house I had actually had someone out to fix my window. So when he walked me out, I showed him the window repair.  

We bantered playfully back and forth about how fixing windows temporarily was the only thing he was good at- that and bossing everyone around. He turned to look at me and said, “I’m good at other things,”

I said, “Oh yeah? Like what?” He smirked at me for a minute then said,

“Kissing for one.” BOLD.

I said, “Yeah? I don’t think you can really be the judge of that. You’ll need an unbiased judge.”

“Know any?” he asked getting closer. My heart was pounding in my chest. He was going to kiss me.

“Well, you’re in luck. I just happen to have a degree in unbiased judging.” Don’t judge me. I was a cheesy 18 year old. Probably because he really couldn’t handle any more of my “witty come-backs”, he kissed me. We made out for what felt like forever. He stopped me a couple times and told me to slow down. Apparently, I was too passionate. But all I knew from kissing I learned from a divorced 26 year old. Pardon me if I was a little too frisky.

In the middle of our make out sesh, Kyle received a phone call.

“It’s my ex.” He said answering the phone. I waited patiently while he told her he was busy and would call her back later. He immediately resumed exploring my molars with his tongue.

I don’t even remember driving home. I was on cloud nine. I was so happy, in fact, that I forgot to charge my phone. So, naturally, it died early that morning and I didn’t have it all through the school day. As soon as I got home, I plugged it in and watched as all the texts came flooding in.

There were several from Kyle. The first said, “I’m thinking of you.” The second, “We need to talk.” The third, “Listen, I really like you, but I don’t want to ruin your innocence. I think we should be friends.”

Awesome. I was heartbroken. I kept going over the night trying to figure out what went wrong. What had happened between then and now to make him think that? But what could I do? I wasn’t going to sit there and try to convince him to be with me. It was my first rejection. The first time I had ever been kissed then denied.

So I sent him a text back that said something along the lines of, “Oh it’s fine. I totally understand. Friends it is. J” or some other stupid variety. He immediately sent me a text back that read,

“Kay good. Don’t tell anyone. I’m already in enough trouble at work.” I didn’t understand fraternization rules and the like so I didn’t understand what he was talking about. But I went with it.

I did okay for the first couple hours… I talked to a couple of my friends about it. I cried for a couple hours, yelled for a couple more. But then I needed to talk to someone.

There was another guy from work who really liked me and wanted to date me. I never felt quite right about the idea of dating him though so it never ended up happening. He ended up texting me that night though and he was always really good at cheering me up, so I spilled the beans. All the beans. And let me just tell you, those beans got spread everywhere….

Cameron, the guy I told, went to one of my managers that he had dated previously and told her that Kyle had kissed me. Oddly enough the manager he told knew Kyle’s ex girlfriend and told her. It wasn’t really that odd that she knew her though because she happened to be a manager also. And she wasn’t his ex girlfriend. She was his current girlfriend. Of course.

I had no idea that “Danielle” was actually Danielle Deme or Ms. Deme to me. So she confronted Kyle about it. He of course lied, something he’s very good at, and said, “What? No. I stayed at your house that night. How could I have been with her? She’s just obsessed with me. And she lies all the time.” Awesome Kyle. Thanks for that.

So I was pissed. But still in “like” with him. He confronted me about opening my big fat mouth and wouldn’t really talk to me anymore. So I went to the store, bought peanut butter pre-made cookie dough and went home to put them in the oven to bake. Simple enough, right?

Wrong. Apparently I’m the world’s worst cook. I burnt the cookies. In like a bad, terrible, “you shouldn’t give these to Kyle” kind of way. But I didn’t have time to go back to the store to get more. I made a decision to take them to him anyway. I figured he would think it endearing that I couldn’t cook. Umm yeah. Wrong again. I was very wrong all the time.

I went on the long voyage to his house once more. I knocked on the door and was surprised when a fellow team member opened the door. Apparently Kyle fraternized in every way possible. I handed him the cookies that had a big note taped over the plate that read SORRY in big bold letters. I handed them to my co-worker and said,

“These are for Kyle. They’re burned and gross. But can you just tell him I’m sorry?” he said he would and put them inside. I left feeling very stupid.

Once Kyle got over the fact that I had blabbed and nearly ended his relationship, he started talking to me again. He made fun of me for the cookies and told everyone how in love with him I’d been. I became obsessed with telling everyone all about my interaction with Kyle. I couldn’t help it. I was addicted to the attention.

He started texting me a lot more frequently asking me for dirty pictures and crying about his life. I never did send him nor any other guys anything indecent, which I’m very proud of, but I really should not have been texting him when he was in that state. That is to say highly intoxicated.

Eventually, when he figured out I wouldn’t send him any pictures, the texts stopped. But then he started following me into usher closets and laundry closets and trying to kiss me. Getting tired of being assaulted and partially molested every time I was alone with him, I confided in a fellow worker. She expressed that she had been in similar situations only much worse. Apparently it had happened to just about every female employee there.

In the end, Kyle got what was coming to him. He got a new job at Wal-Mart and got engaged to Danielle who later cheated on him with a different manager from work. I have no contact with him anymore. I deleted his number and blocked him on facebook and boy am I glad I did. Lesson learned with this boy? Don’t mix work and pleasure. A mistake I won’t make again in a hurry. 

Gary

I think I’m just going to start picking and choosing the boys I tell you about rather than going chronologically. I figure I can give you the timeline and you’ll get it. Any way, here’s the story of Gary.

In high school, I had a bad problem with not following “the girl code”. We all know what I’m talking about. The code set in place to keep girls from ripping each other’s hair out. When you break the code, girls have permission to do what ever they want to you. They could do anything from ruining your reputation to actually ripping your hair out. Lucky for me, my friends weren’t very vindictive. I learned my lesson, though with guy number… what ever number we’re on now.

Gary and three other young bachelors lived around the street from where my dad’s house was. All four were exactly the kind of guy you wouldn’t want your teenage daughter to hang around. But as you’ve probably noticed, when I’m around the male gender, my brain goes to mush. All of my common sense just flies right out the window.

I first met these boys through none other than my good friend Deven. I got in more trouble with her than anyone else. One time, we drove way out to Chandler to go to a house party we thought would be “off the hook”. We got all kinds of dolled up, stole her dad’s car, and high tailed it out to Chandler. When we got there, we were sorely disappointed. There were literally a total of eight people there. When we walked in, we heard someone whisper, “White girls!” That’s how ghetto this party was. We finally decided to leave when there was a beer chugging competition and a very large, very hammered man passed out on the beer soaked rug.

I digress. So I met them through Deven. She would say she was spending the night at my house, then late that night we would sneak out and walk around the corner to their house. From then on it was a non stop party. They always had plenty of hookah and beer. Not that I ever tried any of it, but it was always there.

Deven and Gary began forming an attachment. They would stay up late into the night talking and texting, flirting and fighting. They fought more than any other couple I’ve ever been around.

 I was in theatre in high school. It was literally the most important thing in the world to me. I lived and breathed acting. I wanted to share my love for theatre with my friends, so I invited Deven who in turn invited Gary. They came and sat in the back cat calling whenever I walked on stage. They were exactly the people I hated. “Uncultured swine” as I once referred to them. But I forgave them since I thought they were cool. I’m a sheep, remember?

After the play, Deven wanted to hang out with him and I of course, agreed because I was beginning to develop feelings for Gary. I liked being around him even though I knew nothing could ever come from it.

I really wanted a boyfriend at this point. I was lonely and my life was sad and I wanted someone to share the burden of it with me. So naturally when Deven told me their friend Rudy, who had seen me once before at a gathering of some sort, was interested in me, I jumped at the opportunity to meet him and make him my boyfriend.

Rudy was NOT the person I remembered.

We met up at Rudy’s house to play games. Immediately Rudy went into the bathroom and pulled a small bag from behind the toilet tank.  Once Rudy left the bathroom, Deven pulled me in under the pretext that she had to pee and didn’t want to do it alone. “We need some alone time.” She said turning the tap on. “Let them have their boy time. I bet Rudy’s talking to Gary about how into you he is.” She sat on the sink with her legs crossed. I moved the many copies of play boy off the toilet seat and sat down.

 “What was in the bag Rudy had?” I asked innocently.

“Oh it’s just weed.” Deven said examining her finger nails. My heart plummeted. Weed? In the same house that I was in? I just knew I was going to get arrested. Or Die. Since they smoked illegal substances I knew they were probably killers as well. They were going to kill me and throw my body into the Salt River. I swallowed hard. Deven stuck her ear up to the door. “I think they’ve gone outside. Let’s go.” I got shakily to my feet and followed her out the sliding glass door to the patio.

What awaited me nearly made me faint. Rudy and Gary were sitting in two lawn chairs that formed a circle around a fire pit. They were smoking weed. As I sat down, Rudy offered me the joint. I froze. I was way too much of a good girl to smoke weed. I wanted them to still think I was cool, however so I simply declined and sat back and acted like it didn’t bother me that they were smoking so close to me. Gary moved from his place next to Deven and sat in the empty seat on the other side of me. Deven’s eyes flashed with envy.

“You don’t want to smoke?” He asked. I had serious butterflies at this point. But I was determined to hold to my standards.

“No, I’ve never been into that kind of thing. Plus I’m asthmatic.” He pulled a face. I internally face palmed. I couldn’t think of any better response than I’m asthmatic? Awesome. Gary didn’t seem to mind much though. He just leaned back in his chair and continued smoking his marijuana.

By this point I was starting to feel light headed. Light headed and cold. Gary noticed this and took his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders. Deven pretended not to notice and continued her conversation with Rudy. I put my arms through, grateful for the warmth. The boys had finally finished their joint with the help of Deven and Rudy’s small and now very high Chihuahua. We went back inside.

I sat on the floor. The room was spinning. I leaned up against the foot board. I turned to my left and noticed that Gary was sitting next to me. I started laughing. The noise that came out was not my laugh, however. It was oddly low and it seemed to hang in the air for a long time. This made me laugh even more. Gary was amused and laughed with me. I imagined that I saw a speech bubble with “hahahaha” written inside of it spewing out of his mouth in many different colors. I went cross eyed for a minute, then closed my eyes and peered at him again. He peered back and we started laughing once more.

Once the general hysteria was over, I looked down at the jacket I was wearing. Gary’s name was scrawled in the corner with curly writing like you might see at Disneyland. (He was a mechanic and apparently they embroidered their names on their work jackets.) I started laughing once more. Gary looked at me, confused. “Heeey. Heeeeeeey! Wassss so fnnny?” He asked, slurring his speech.

I rolled my head back over to him. “What’s my name?” I asked blinking up at him.

“Chesly, Chelsy.” He mumbled.

I shook my head.”mmmnope! Whas my naaame??” I asked smiling and holding in my giggles. He looked very confused so I leaned over and whispered in his ear, rather loudly I might add, “It’s Gary!” and I pointed at his name with a hand over my mouth to keep from busting up laughing.

He chortled loudly which attracted the attention of Rudy and Deven who were previously ignoring us. “What’s so funny?” Deven asked sitting down on the other side of me.

“What’s my name?” I asked her. Gary started laughing once more and answered,

“It’s GARY!” Deven gave me a quizzical look then stared into my eyes.

“Oh my gosh. Rudy. She totally has contact high.” She stated looking at my dilated pupils.

“Nah. That’s a myth.” Rudy stated pouting in the corner. He could see Gary and I liked each other. Deven was too high to care.

Eventually I started to come off my high and I was beginning to feel very sad. Sad and guilty. Gary and I snuck outside together while Deven and Rudy were getting everyone’s things together. He noticed that I looked upset. He wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m really sorry.” He purred resting his chin on my head. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I know you didn’t want to smoke and I totally respect that.” I shook my head.

“It wasn’t your fault. And it’s not like I actually smoked. I just… secondhand smoked.” We heard the door open. He kissed my forehead and released me before Deven saw our embrace.

 “You guys can stick around here for a while longer if you want.” Rudy stated hopefully. “You know… wait for your high to wear off.”

“I didn’t actually smoke, Rudy. I’m fine to drive.” I stated coldly. The look he gave me made me feel bad so I hugged him and said, “Thanks for hanging out. It was fun.” Then I climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car. Deven pulled Gary into the back seat with her.

“Hold me. I’m cold.” Deven stated glaring at me in the rearview mirror. A couple minutes later my phone vibrated. Gary had sent me a text that simply read, “sorry.” I glanced at him in the mirror. He was looking back at me while holding Deven in his arms. I would have given anything to be with him right then. But instead I just watched him with my best friend, my heart breaking into a million different pieces.

Deven was angry with me that night. She didn’t speak to me until we were tucked away in her tiny bed. “Can you just hold me?” She asked. I can’t explain the dynamics of our friendship. I was like a mom to her and pretty much all our other friends. I was there to comfort her when she needed it. And now was that time. Unfortunately, I was the person who had hurt her this time. I felt really bad. I went to sleep feeling, if possible, even more guilty.

The next morning, however, I awoke feeling justified. I had never had a boyfriend and Deven had had plenty. It was her turn to take one for the team and allow me a little happiness. So I snuck over to Gary’s house every chance I got. We would sit together, him laying in my lap, me running my fingers through his gorgeous hair, and talk about his day. He would hold me and talk about his past and how hard growing up was for him. It was like having a best friend. We never kissed. The one time we got close, I backed away.

“I need to know what’s going on between you and Deven before I get any more emotionally involved in… in whatever it is we have going on here.” He tried to assure me that there was nothing going on and that he had practically forgotten about her. I told him that she still thought they had something and that he needed to end things with her for good if he wanted anything to progress with us. So I was kind of  loyal… Yeah. Terrible friend. I know. Moving on.

He agreed. He texted her and asked her to come over to talk. I left his house and went home to wait for him to text me to tell me how it went. About an hour later, he called. I could barely understand him through his tears.

“She kissed me, Chelsy. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do. She kissed me and then left, but I feel like I’ve cheated on you. I’m so sorry. Please come over. I need you.”

I was slightly baffled. I didn’t care if she kissed him, really. We weren’t a couple. And that phrase, I need you made my heart race. Finally someone needed me. I told him I’d be right over. When I walked out the door, however, I saw Deven’s car. I walked to it and opened the door.

“I just came to see if you were okay.” She stated matter-of-factly as I opened the door.

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked thinking that it should be the other way around.

“Well Gary just admitted that he loves me and wants to be with only me and I thought you guys must have talked or something. Though we all know it would end up like this eventually.” I stared at her perplexed.

“Gary just called me sobbing because he said you flung yourself at him and kissed him.” Deven gave me that, oh no he didn’t face and said,

“He kissed me.” My heart, again, felt as if it had somersaulted off of a big giant cliff and landed amoung thorns, sharp rocks, and old rusty nails. Now I was starting to get ngry.

Once we had talked out both sides of the story, we realized that Gary had been two timing us. He had been using Deven for all of the physical aspects of a typical relationship and had been using me for all the emotional baggage. Hurt, and slightly flattered, I developed a plan to get Gary back.

“Deven. Gary is expecting me to come over to his house any minute. I’m going to go in there and start bawling and talk about how happy I am and that I’m sorry but I can’t say why. Then you’re going to come over and tell him that we are lesbians.” We both decided I was brilliant and the plan commenced. It unraveled better than we could have hoped.

When I came over he was confused and worried. Thanks to my acting background, I was able to produce tears of happiness. I was very convincing. Deven followed through with her part as well. My favorite line from that conversation being, “Well can’t we all just be together?” Awesome.

Of course he later found out that we were lying. He and Deven did eventually get back together briefly. They fought constantly. It ended in heart ache on both ends.

I did genuinely like Gary. But I realize now that what relationship we would have had would have been all wrong. He was all about him. And he knew exactly how to manipulate me. That phrase I need you has haunted me through several past relationships. Once I heard those three words, I was a goner. But life is about learning. And I’m definitely learning. I’m really glad I’ve gone through all of these experiences because how would I have learned if I hadn’t? Any way. That’s Gary for you.