Croc

I’m going a little out of order… but I wanted to write about Croc. I’ve been following him on facebook lately and I need to get him out of my system.

In high school I was in a small all girl jazz group. The fifteen other girls became my sisters. We loved each other like a family. We all wanted the best for each other. After I had endured a rather painful break-up, one of the girls decided that she would set me up with one of her neighbors.

“He’s really not weird or anything. He’s super sweet and cool and I just know you guys are going to fall in love and get married.” So I decided he didn’t sound so bad. He added me on facebook and we exchanged numbers. He called me one night and we talked for hours. I was a little bored by the conversation- I don’t generally like talking on the phone unless I’ve known the person for a long time, but I figured he seemed like a nice guy.

He asked me if he could pick me up later that week to go shopping for a Diamond Backs t-shirt. So we met up a couple nights later and went shopping. He talked most of the time and I was starting to get the weird vibe from him. But I decided I would give him a chance.

I have a bad habit of divulging far too much information upon first meeting someone. There was this one time, I went on a date with a guy from my single’s ward. He picked me up from my friend’s house that I was living at and I decided that that was weird so I needed to tell him my whole life story so he would understand my family dynamics. It was way too much information and he we both felt really awkward afterward. I have learned since then, however, to keep my mouth shut till at least the second date.

So I explained my family situation. He sympathized and later decided that I was “the strongest young woman he had ever met.” All the attention he was giving me was flattering and I feed off of positive reinforcement so that was enough to get me through the day. After going to three different walmarts to locate a shirt that met his standards, he decided that we should get lunch and see a movie since I could get in for free. (working at a theatre has it’s perks.)

He dropped me off that night and called me once he got home. We made small talk for a while before he divulged his true feelings for me. “I think you’re a really special girl. And when I see someone special like you, I have to go for it. I hope I don’t scare you away. I really like you.”

I was confused. I knew I thought he was weird, but all the attention he was giving me was throwing me off. I craved it. It had been a long time since I had been in a relationship and I was super lonely. So I went a long with it. “I like you too.”

The next day he picked me up to go to the diamond backs game. We met his friends at his house. They were late so he made me sit through a couple of his wrestling matches he had recorded from high school. Now I love me a good boxing match. But wrestling? It’s just gross to me. Grown men rolling around on the floor in tights? It’s just awkward in my opinion.

His mom came in around the fourth or so match that I had watched and made him turn it off. I was grateful to her. We talked for a while and it was discovered that her father worked with my grandfather on the fire department. I really enjoyed his mom’s company. She was super nice. About that time, Croc’s friends arrived.

I almost forgot to explain his name- he had a real name. But he went by “The Croc”. It was a wrestling nick name that he didn’t lose after high school for some reason.

Anyway, about that time, Croc’s friends arrived. They all had super cute dates with them and I felt instantly out of place. You see, Croc is friends with really awesome, super cool guys. Don’t ask me why, since he’s so weird. They honestly treat him like a brother that they have to take with them. But they’re incredibly loyal to him. It threw me for a loop.

We drove down to the light rail and rode it to Chase field. I have this hidden talent. Or maybe it’s a gift. I don’t know. But when ever I go to a Diamond Back’s game, they always win. Guaranteed.

So we got to the game and Croc pulled out his camera. He started taking random shots of me. I was thrown off by this. Eventually I got a hold of his camera and deleted all the pictures. We took some more posed pictures together then we settled down to watch the game. The boys were all lame and decided that we needed to leave before the game was over because they were losing. I told them to stick around and that we would win. They said there was no way. So we left.

On the way home on the light rail, a guy got really excited and told us that the diamond backs had just won the game with an amazing home run while the bases were loaded. I’m amazing. I know.

We all went back to Croc’s house and everyone dispersed for home. Croc took me inside where he tried to get me to stay and watch a movie. By this time, I was weirded out by him and I just wanted to go home.  We were sitting at his breakfast bar talking when he said, “Chelsy… I went to the temple with you in mind.” For those of you that aren’t LDS, that basically means he wants to marry me. I looked at him kind of confused and he continued on. “I prayed about you and for you.”

Before he could ask me to marry him, I said, “Oh that’s really nice. Thanks.” He went on about how special I was and how lucky he was to get to spend time with me. It was really nice, but it just put a weird feeling in my stomach. Then he said, “Is there anything I can do for you?” What was he expecting me to say? Yes Croc! Kiss me now! I don’t know. So I just said, “I think I’m good, thanks.” He laughed, turned away from me and said, “Ouch.” I was confused and tired so I asked him if he would take me home.

The ride home was awkward. He wasn’t talking as much as he usually did. He looked nervous. He was making me nervous. Finally we got to my house. He got out and walked around to the front of the truck. I followed him. He turned away from me and sighed. His behavior was really odd. I wish you had been there to see it. Finally he faced me. “Chelsy, I really like you. Will you… please… *mumble mumble*” I told him I couldn’t hear him and asked him to speak up. “Will you please be my girlfriend?” He laughed awkwardly, swallowed nervously, and looked at me like a puppy would while begging for a strip of bacon.

I don’t know what I felt… I just knew that I had to say something. “I… I will.” I stuttered. His face lit up. “You will?!” and hear it is. The kiss to end all kisses. It literally made me never want to kiss anyone ever again. He grabbed me around my shoulders so that my arms were pinned to my sides and smashed his face up against mine. He kind of drooled on me before pulling back and sighing in my face. I leaned back a bit instinctually and he let me go. He grabbed my hand possessively and walked me to my door where, to my horror, he kissed me again. I turned around instantly, said goodnight and walked inside.

I felt sick to my stomach. I knew it was wrong. I didn’t like him. I needed to break up with him.

So the next night, I called him and had him come over. We sat outside my house and I explained to him that I had prayed about it and it just made me feel sick to think about it. He stopped me. “I make you feel sick?!” Okay maybe that was the wrong way to put it. I explained to him that it was the way I knew if something was right or not. And It just wasn’t right. He picked up a scooter that had been left in the drive way and started ridding around in circles not making eye contact.

“So you’re saying you don’t want to be with me.” He looked so dejected. I felt really bad, but I didn’t like him. We just weren’t compatible. That’s something that’s always really weird to me. How could one person be so into another person and the other person feels nothing for them in return? Love/like/infatuation has never made any sense to me.

I butt dialed him once. I got an excited call back from him immediately after. I explained what happened and he hung up sounding disappointed.

The only other contact I had with him was when he and a couple of his friends came to the institute class I attended. They sat down and once he saw me, he whispered something to his friend about me. He continued to stare at me for the remainder of the lesson and they never came back after that.

He got married a couple months ago. Every once in a while, his pictures will show up in my live feed and I’ll look at them. He and his new wife are perfect for each other. He takes weird pictures of her doing random things all the time. I think to myself, wow. That could be me. Thank goodness it’s not.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that there’s a reason for dating. You find out what you like and what you don’t like. You find out who you want to marry. You also find out a lot about yourself and what makes you you. I love dating. I look forward to doing it a lot more in the future.