Cameron

Cameron. He was kind of my knight in shining armor. My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was in third grade. She fought a long, hard battle and five years later, passed away. I was half way through eighth grade. I met Cameron at the beginning of the semester. We sat next to each other in math. As if math wasn’t bad enough all ready, I had the most terrible teacher in the world. He was utter scum. When ever he would walk by me, he would massage my shoulder or flick my ear or touch me in some other inappropriate way. I hated him. Cameron didn’t like him very much either- no one did, but he took immense pleasure out of me being sassy with him. He would encourage me any way he could.

We became friends on myspace (ghetto!) and starting talking on instant messenger (ghetto-er!). We became best friends. I would talk to him about how my mom was dying and he would talk to me about the hell he was going through with his parents and we just connected. We shared our hopes and dreams and spilled our darkest secrets to one another. In math he would look me straight in the face and tell me he thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He would put his hand on my leg under the desk and poke my side to make me squeal. We were cute and flirtatious and I liked him. A lot. He saved me when I didn’t have anyone else.

Then my mom died. He fell out of my life for a little while for some reason and that’s when Jesse entered. His best friend. Also one of my best friend’s boyfriends. I had a little crush on him. But he just thought of me as someone to complain to. He would send me poetry he wrote while cutting his wrists and suicide notes “just in case”. It terrified me.  I wanted to help him. I used to have a major savior complex where I wanted to save everyone. I couldn’t just leave him alone to his thoughts.

 I was really just reflecting my own needs. I didn’t want to be left alone. I needed some one to talk to. I knew what it felt like to be abandoned and I didn’t want anyone to ever feel that way. Not if I could help it. So I helped him as much as I could.

The night my mom died, I messaged Jesse and told him. He said he was sorry then said, “Hey… I know you’re sad and stuff… but can I come show you what I got Erika for Christmas?” I agreed because I thought he would come over, take me in his arms, and tell me everything would be alright. That was the only thing I needed. But I didn’t get it. I walked outside when he rang the door bell and he playfully hit my arm, showed me the necklace and walked on to Erika’s house. I didn’t need Jesse. I needed Cameron.

I got back on IM and saw that he was on. I typed him a long message about how much I missed him and how hard it was for me to go through this alone. He said he thought I liked someone else and that’s why he backed off. I told him that I liked him and I needed him. We talked for the rest of the night and rekindled our friendship.

A couple of months later, everything with my mom had pretty much blown over. I had stopped getting sympathetic looks from teachers, people stopped whispering about me as I walked by them in the halls… everything seemed to be going back to normal. Pretty much any mention of a maternal figure had dropped out of conversation as far as I was concerned. No one wanted to step on my toes or make me upset. I didn’t think it was necessary, I was actually handling things quite well, but I appreciated the sentiment.

I really was doing well- until my math teacher took it a little too far. I had bombed one of the math tests. I didn’t care anymore. I hated him, I hated the class, and no one really cared if I passed or failed anymore, so I figured I didn’t either as far as math was concerned. He passed out the tests and in front of the whole class room he said, “Chelsy, you got the lowest score of the class. What has gotten in to you? You are so smart. What would your mother think?” My eyes got wide and I was getting ready to either start swinging or crying I didn’t know which. But Cameron beat me to the punch. He jumped out of his chair, got right up in the teachers face and said, “How dare you. How dare you bring that up and embarrass her in front of the class.”

I don’t remember much after that. I remember Cameron got kicked out of class and my math teacher’s slimy apology afterward, but everything else is just a blur.

So you would think Cameron liked me, right? He stuck up for me, told me I was beautiful, we had fun. So on March 14^th, a month after Valentine’s Day, I sent him a message on myspace. I really think that all social networking sites should just be banned forever. People are way braver on those sites then they are in real life and it just gets them in trouble. But anyway, I sent him a message. I explained that I liked him and asked him to be my boyfriend. He replied that he talked to his mom about it, because she was really smart about those kinds of things, and they thought it would be best if we just stayed friends. He liked me, but he thought our relationship would be better as just friends.

I didn’t understand. Of course I acted like I did and like I didn’t even really care, but I was broken inside. After that, he had a new girlfriend every week and I hated every single one of them. I eventually got over it and put him from my mind.

Then sophomore year of high school, he turned up again like they all seem to do. We hugged awkwardly in the hall way, exchanged numbers, and texted for a while, but nothing really came from it. And I knew nothing would. By this time, he had a nasty neck beard, several morbid tattoos, and listened to death metal.

We were in the same English class my senior year. We had a good time, we laughed about everything and had inside jokes about the fact that I never shaved my legs and maybe I would if he would shave his face etc. He had a nasty skank of a girlfriend. I actually hit her car in the parking lot one time. They were both in the car at the time. I apologized profusely chalking it up to the fact that I had no depth perception. Once I caught her cheating on him with another guy at my movie theater, however, she was another thing we laughed at.

I’ll always love Cameron for the loyalty he showed me. I was never in love with him, but we shared an emotional connection that I’ll never forget. Like I said, he was my knight in shinning armor. He saved me when no one else would and I’ll always be grateful for that.