Jason

He burned ants alive with a magnifying glass, ripped off lady bug’s wings, and buried silk worms in my hair. He was the typical boy next door. I never thought of him as anything more than a best friend when we were kids, but thirteen years later, he’s a total hunk. Boy number four- Jason. 

We reconnected through facebook, of course. We really haven’t had much conversation. Well really any conversation… literally. I sent him a message when he first added me that was so full of  “omg”s and “haha”s that it was hard to see through to the actual message. You know what he sent back? Nothing. That’s right. Zilch. I attribute his lack of response to the fact that I’m not a size two party girl like the rest of his female friends. Not that I’m bitter or anything…

This brings me to another unattainable idea- the perfect body. I’ve gone on crash diets… and crazy work outs. And let me just tell you, I’ve never gotten results. It may be because I always, without fail, quit before the week is out… but that’s mostly due to my lack of results. I’ll share this excerpt of my journal with you:

Diets suck. especially those of the 500 calorie variety.

May 30th, 9:14

Current Mood:

hungry

 So yesterday at work apparently I looked really pale. All my managers kept asking me if I was okay. I replied that I was fine, just a little tired. I was working door so a chair was supplied for me to sit in while I ripped the tickets and directed people to their auditoriums. My floor manager, Mr. Steinbroner at the time, walked up to me and asked me why I was sitting. I knew I had to have a good excuse because I was really feeling like I was going to fall out of the chair and did NOT want to stand for the rest of the 9 hour shift. So I told him the truth. "I'm on a five hundred calorie diet and every time I stand up I feel like I'm going to fall over." He looked at me with this "you're really really stupid" expression on his face and then asked

"Why are you on a diet?" I was about to say because I'm fat...? but then there's that whole awkward exchange where they feel like they have to tell you you're not and blah blah blah so I said

"Why does anyone ever go on a diet?" and walked away to go do something or other. When I walked up to the main desk my other manager said 

"There we go! There's some color on your face." I said, 

"Yeah because I'm embarrassed!" because I had just talked to Mr. Steinbroner about my weight... and okay... I kind of have a crush on him. 

anyway... so then I walked back to the door podium and he came and stood next to me for a while then asked, "So what's your goal?"

I replied "Like 50 lbs. 40-50." 

He said "that's no good. That's not a good goal."

I said, "why not?"

he said, "It's not enough." 

I wanted to die. He was just kidding and he started laughing and told me I don't have 50 lbs. to lose. But still. you don't ask a girl how much she wants to lose. It was just an embarrassing experience. 

and I have a confession to make: yesterday, I ate taco bell. and not just a little bit. I'm talking three tacos and a Mexican pizza.

DIETINGSUCKSBIGTIME. 

So yes… now you can kind of see where my head is when it comes to dieting. Pointless. He’s one of the beautiful people of the world. I’ve always tried to imagine what it would be like to be one of them: a perfect body, perfect hair, symmetrical body parts…. But then reality sinks in and I remember that I am, in fact, a size twelve with a fifteen dollar hair cut and lopsided boobs.

I was trying to do a little research on Jason since I can’t remember much about our childhood, so I sent him a rather disjointed message:

“So I was driving by the old house yesterday and was remembering the weirdest stuff. haha tell me if you remember any of this. Alex had this electric jeep thing that we would all ride around in like all the time. and we always had irrigation that we would swim in. and do you remember my cat Gilligan? umm.... hahah one time you took my diary and wrote some weird stuff and wouldn't let me read it. You used to play tomb raider... I remember something about a butler being locked in a closet? you had a tire swing in your back yard that we used to push Christopher in all the time. and you had a turtle... right? and you would rip the wings off lady bugs. and make rollie pollies have babies... haha I just remember you being cruel to small insects basically. haha do you remember any of this?? sorry it's like word vomit all over the screen. Haha”

Like, totally!! Haha! This. This right here is a prime example of why boys run the other direction when I get anywhere near. He never did respond to it. But that’s okay. Like I’ve been saying a lot lately… “He’s just another chapter in the book!” I’d like one guy to prove me wrong… Just once.